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托福写作精选范文:Leaning about life

来源:智课 发布时间:2019-03-14

  各位托福考生们下午好,为了帮助大家备考托福写作,今天上海托福考试网小编为大家带来了托福写作精选范文:Leaning about life,考生可以通过学习范文来掌握某些表达的正确用词,也能吸取经验,找到托福高分作文的技巧,希望对广大考生有帮助。

  Some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. Other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experience. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. Which do you think is preferable? Use specific examples to support your preference.

  1. 题目翻译

  对生活的学习是通过家人还有朋友的建议好,还是亲身经历好?

  2. 审题关键词: Leaning about life; Listening to the advice of family and friends; Personal experience

  3. 论证分析:

  分论点1: Experience from our families and friends opens our mind about different possibilities in life. Learning from our families and friends helps us avoid pitfalls.

  分论点2: Our own beliefs about life are gradually cultivated through our personal experiences

  分论点3: Having to understand life independently is not only inevitable, but also valuable.

  范文

  Both learning through personal experience and learning through the advice of others can help you in life. If you don’t have a lot of knowledge about something, the advice of people you trust and people more knowledgeable than yourself can be very useful. These people can tell you about their own experiences, and about the advantages and disadvantages of a plan or goal. Then you can consider it yourself and decide what you should do.

  When you’re thinking about what you want to do with your life, friends and relatives are a great resource. They can give you information about things like jobs, school, volunteering, and travel. These past experiences will help you to form your own path. In some cases, there’s no real substitute for personal experience, and also personal mistakes. For example, nobody can accurately describe a feeling of love in a way to make someone whose never felt love feel it. Only the experience of loving another person can make this feeling clear.

  满分要素剖析

  一、语言表达

  本篇文章虽然语言表达上显得简明扼要,通俗易懂,没有复杂的句式,但是在很多细节方面还是可圈可点的,如下:

  1. If you don’t have a lot of knowledge about something, the advice of people you trust and people more knowledgeable than yourself can be very useful. 这句话的整体句式用了if引导的真实条件句“If…, sth can be…”这种句式在语法上称作是“主情从现”,意思就是主句谓语用情态动词修饰,从句谓语一般现在时。情态动词“can be very useful ..”表示推测,这种推测的可能性较大,所以从用词上可以体现作者对listening to the advice of family and friends这种方式的正面评价。值得一提的细节是,在从句中出现了knowledge一词,这个名词为不可数名词,作者用a lot of修饰是一种很聪明的做法,因为a lot of既可以修饰可数名词也可以修饰不可数名词,如果对knowledge的名词性质非常了解,可以替换much来修饰,显得更加简练。在主句中,the advice of people后面you trust是个定语从句修饰先行词people,由于引导词that在定语从句中承担宾语的成分,所以可以省略,此处为细节。后面的并列成分people more knowledgeable than yourself,修饰people的结构虽然不是从句,但也放在了people的后面,这是因为在英文中,人们习惯把长的修饰放在被修饰词后面,仅此而已。

  2. These people can tell you about their own experiences, and about the advantages and disadvantages of a plan or goal. Then you can consider it yourself and decide what you should do. 第一句话中的并列and是个小亮点,主干动词结构tell sb sth…中的sth使用了about + n的并列用法,about their own experiences, and about the advantages and disadvantages,而第二个and是在第二个about短语中的并列,是个嵌套关系。值得一提的是,experiences这里作为可数名词,意为“经历”,而当experience意为“经验”时就是不可数名词了。之后作者在优点和缺点后加了of a plan or goal进行修饰,其实用一个词修饰即可,但作者有意地扩充句子的长度,又由于名词的反复并列,之后又出现名词的选择现象,使其显得更加押韵,领读者感到朗朗上口。第二句话是个并列句,由于主语一致,所以作者省略了第二个并列句的主语you,第二句使用了宾语从句what you should do,引导词what在从句中做宾语,正常语序为you should do what。

  3. When you’re thinking about what you want to do with your life, friends and relatives are a great resource.这句话开头出现When…,对于英文的逻辑结构敏感的同学能体会到这里作者要分情况论述,这里谈到friends and relatives,那么之后的段落就会谈到personal experiences,一切都是顺理成章。注意此处用think about表示思考,作者在第一段使用了consider,两个词替换,没有重复使用,避免单调。另外,think about这种思考的程度要比较强,强于think of,说明这里作者暗示在生活中遇到很恼人的问题需要费脑子think about时,请教亲戚朋友是不错的选择。

  4. These past experiences will help you to form your own path. 这句话虽然在句子结构上很简单,用了help sb to do的形式,但是在句意的理解层面却上升到了哲学高度,原因就是作者恰到好处的用了path这个词,form the path形成路,表面意思很好理解,就是过去的经历可以帮助我们形成今后自己的道路,即想法idea,即choice选择,即decision抉择。其实都是同义词,但是作者没有使用这些较为理论化生硬的单词,而是运用了比喻,把人生的choice或是decision比作path,这里比喻非常成功,因为人活着就是不断在面临着选择,而一旦做出选择,就踏上了一条不一样的路path。

  5. In some cases, there’s no real substitute for personal experience, and also personal mistakes.这句话稍微提一下,In some cases,在某些情况下,这是转折的另一种婉转的表达方式,也就是我们平时说的特例。之后的substitute for替换为,也是不错的表达,可以借鉴。

  二、逻辑结构

  本文的逻辑非常清晰明了,因为全文就围绕着两个论点在展开论述,谈及listening to the advice of family and friends和通过personal experience,本文着重论证举例了前者,对后者论述稍显不够。具体来说,第一段作者先总的概括说无论是向他人学习还是通过自己的经验都会对个人的生活有所裨益。之后一直在谈前者的优点。而第二段把前者的优点展开论述,然后难能可贵的是谈到了有些事情是family and friends无法解决的,这里就是它的不足。当然,作者如果接下来继续按照此逻辑结构论证personal experience的优缺点就更好了。

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