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托福写作精选范文:企业是否该尽其所能去赚取利润?

来源:智课 发布时间:2019-01-10

  各位托福考生下午好,今天上海托福考试网小编为大家带来了托福写作精选范文:企业是否该尽其所能去赚取利润?考生可以通过学习范文来掌握某些表达的正确用词,也能吸取经验,找到托福高分作文的技巧,希望对广大考生有帮助。

  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Businesses should do anything they can to make a profit. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

  1. 题目翻译:

  企业应该尽其所能去赚取利润,同意与否?

  2. 审题关键词:

  3. 论证分析:

  反:商业如果这样做对社会有害,空气污染等等

  反:商业如果这样做会影响自身的形象。比如说烟草公司的形象很差

  反:商业如果这么做会使自己的生意破产。卖假货的公司。

  范文

  After I get my degree, I plan to start a business. My goal is to make a lot of money. However, I can’t forget that there are more important things in life than earning a profit. I must consider the people I work with, the customers I serve, and the community in which I live.

  My colleagues are a very important part of my business. Without them, I would not have a business. I depend on them to help me carry out day-to-day operations. I depend on them for their advice on what to sell and how to sell it. I must compensate them for their work. I can’t take large profits without sharing with the people who made it possible.

  Similarly, I would not have a business without my customers. I can never forget that they can take their business elsewhere if they choose. I must give them good value for their money. I can’t overcharge them. I must also remember that money is as important to them as it is to me. I want my customers to trust me and keep coming back.

  My employees and I all live in the same community as our customers. We are a part of the social life of our community. We can’t ignore it. We must play an active part in it. I feel it is important that some of the profits my business earns from the community be returned to the community. We need to support community programs like summer jobs for high school students, campaigns to clean up parks, and efforts to make shopping areas more attractive. A business must make profits, but we all—workers, customers, community—must profit from successful business and social relationships.

  满分因素剖析:

  一. 语言表达

  作者使用了很多短句,清晰地叙述了自己的故事。这是口语当中经常食用的技巧,能够方便读者理解,引起读者共鸣。

  1. However, I can’t forget that there are more important things in life than earning a profit.

  本句出现在第一段的中间部分,以however,直接对先前的论证进行转折让步。即先肯定问题的一方面,然后以however开头,强调问题的另一方面的重要性。这样不仅是文章在论证上更加完整,同时也加强了论证的力度。

  2. I must consider the people I work with, the customers I serve, and the community in which I live.

  本句出现在文中第一段的结尾,consider后面直接跟着三个分论点,后面三段便围绕着这三个主题展开。此句起到了承上启下的重要作用,使文章接下来的论证结构一目了然。

  3. I can’t take large profits without sharing with the people who made it possible.

  Can’t do sth without doing something,意思如果不做某事就做不成某事。Without引导的介词短语,做条件状语。在托福写作中,这种结构常常出现在反面论证中,即,说明不做某事引起的反面后果。Without引导的介词结构也可以用unless引导的条件状语从句替代。

  4. A business must make profits, but we all—workers, customers, community—must profit from successful business and social relationships.

  workers, customers, community作为插入语结构出现在句中,用来解释we all的含义。插入语结构在托福和GRE作文以及阅读中有着很广泛的应用,一方面可以解释句子中提到的概念,另一方面是扩充了句子的内容,是句子更加饱满。插入语可以出现在文中的很多地方,中间需用逗号隔开,当去掉插入语时,前后还可以成为完整的句子。在内容上,这句话比较有深度,提出了了“成功的商业活动中,所有人都应该获利”的观点。

  二、逻辑结构

  本文清晰的结构是其能获得满分的一个重要因素。本文采用大正论述结构,分别从workers, customers, community这三个角度来论述的,简单易懂,结构清晰。文章每一个段落内都是总分结构,非常中规中矩,而且举了一些生活中的例子,使得论证逻辑严谨,内容丰富。

  然而本文的一个美中不足在于作者将结尾句写在论证部分的第三段,而没有单独开辟一段作为结尾。这样在结构上可能让人认为文章缺乏结尾,从而影响文章的完整性。建议以后单独写一个结尾段。

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